My Therapist Said, I Am Full of Sadness
Virtual Only
Streaming period: 9/8 (Mon) 12:00 AM ET - 9/14 (Sun) 11:59 PM ET.
Streaming is only available in the U.S.
US Premiere
Director Monica Vanesa Tedja
Country Indonesia
Year 2024
Language Bahasa Indonesia, English
Genre Documentary
Running Time 22 min
During the three-year process of undergoing therapy, a filmmaker struggles to find their place in between their identity as a queer, non-binary person and their relationship with their caring, devout Christian parents. This introspective journey has prompted them to question the possibility of being fully accepted and loved, as they delve into archival material from their two families: their biological Chinese-Indonesian family and their chosen queer kin in Berlin.
TW: The film discusses family rejection.
This film is part of the Shorts: Radical Acceptance program.
Director’s Statement
After three years of therapy, I’ve only been able to cry in front of my therapist twice. First, over the sorrow of not being able to fully come out to my parents and second, over the joy of being loved, accepted and celebrated by my queer chosen family.
This contradiction was the reason why I decided to make this film. It became a way for me to not only “confront” my parents, but also to seek their full acceptance of my queerness. But what started as a demand, eventually shifted as I decided to include them as the protagonists in the film.
Mainstream western narratives have preached the importance of coming out. In order for us to be fully free, we must declare our authentic self out loud and demand for the world to see. As much as this sounds ideal, it doesn't mean that it is always possible - especially for a culture, where confrontation feels too much of an assault.
In this journey - both of making this film and my own therapy process, I started realizing how acceptance is not a one way thing, but must actually come both ways. I began to understand that coming out is a much more nuanced process that can be demonstrated not only through words, but also actions.
With this film, I hope to make space for queerness to exist without having to erase our culture and communal identity. I wish to tell a queer narrative that is rarely represented and also rarely legitimized.
Lastly, I want to invite all of you to reflect about our place in this life beyond the binary - how perhaps, through all the differences, there is always a space to be in between.
Director’s Bio
Monica Vanesa Tedja (they/them)
Monica Vanesa Tedja is an Indonesian filmmaker based in Berlin and Jakarta, whose films pose questions around minority identity issues. Their short film, DEAR TO ME, has won the best short film at the FIRST STEPS AWARDS 2021 and received Special Mention at Locarno Open Doors Screenings 2021. Their latest short documentary, MY THERAPIST SAID, I AM FULL OF SADNESS, celebrated its world premiere at DOK Leipzig 2024.